Gardening Humour

A closed mouth gathers no foot...Sorry :(

 

I've discovered that many times, just can't seem to remember it. :confused:

 

But then again....

Only dead fish go with the flow

 

On a hospital visit to to an aged Aunt I helped myself to some hazelnuts from a jar on the bed side locker. After a while I asked
"Aunty,would you like a nut?"
"Oh no dear" she said "Can't eat them,I just suck the chocolate off and put them in that jar"

 

Paladin -yuk!

:D

 

Well..that's a relief...I had to take an I.Q.test,
and the results were negative..phew :rolleyes:

 

A doctor was addressing a large audience re materials we put in our stomaches. "Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomache. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat can be disastrous and germs in drinking water can cause long term damage. But there is one thing that is most dangerous of all and we all have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After a few seconds silence a 75 year old man in front row raised his hand and said "Wedding Cake"!


[ 11. December 2005, 12:37 PM: Message edited by: jjordie ]

 

Heard it's also the best contraceptive ever :D

 

What is? :D

 

50 pence piece held between the knees?

 

Hmmm!


:rolleyes:

[ 12. December 2005, 09:57 AM: Message edited by: jjordie ]

 

Police have today admitted that George Best was not in fact buried in Belfast last week, and that in retrospect the decision to cremate him in Hemel Hempstead on Sunday morning might have been a mistake.

 

Why does Santa have three gardens?

So he can HO HO HO...

 

Bad taste, Rich - especially when people are still out of their homes and out of work just before Christmas.

 

I know people who had their back door blown in and their brand new kitchen trashed by the explosion, on top of the smashed windows and other damage.

They thought the joke was funny.