Gardening Humour

What do you call a grumpy and short tempered gardener?----A Snapdragon :D

 

I as given this fabulous book many years ago entitled:

gard.den.ing (gard'ning) l.n. the art of killing weeds and pests to grow flowers and crops for animals and birds to eat.

The first entry in this litary tome by Henry Beard and Roy McKie =

Annual - any plant that dies before blooming (see perenial) Perenial - any plant which had it lived, would have bloomed year after year (see annual)

 

[ 21. August 2005, 10:47 PM: Message edited by: michaelmasdaisy ]

 

Michaelmas daisy, do tell me what your message said - all I could see was my message and two red crosses.

 

Fran i can't even produce 2 red crosses , but lots of other things lol
-----------
Ladybird

 

hello all one good thing i heard when a lady was saying i done everything i was supposed to do but it just died !!!PLANTS DO NOT COMMIT SUICIDE it made me feel like a right murderer :D :D

 

Ladybird, lol, now that would be quite something, never seen a red cross grown :D

Brazil, I know the guilt trip, get the same when a friend provides me with rooted cuttings, and they die - the immediate question is "what did you do". Me....... nuffink!....

[ 21. August 2005, 04:32 PM: Message edited by: Fran ]

 

Sorry folks - see my post in Members Gallery re Photobucket. That will explain all! In the meantime - all corrected!

 

Fran,worse is, you buy them and then die...lol the nearest to red cross growing, is a Poppy called Danish flag...lol

Ladybird

 

I was explaining to a neighbour that once a week I do a slug patrol with a torch and a long blade scissors, death is instant. Dosen't it hurt? he enquired. Not if you you keep your fingers well off the way.

 

:D like it Hans!
What do you call it when worms take over the world?
Global Worming.

 

Combining my love of gardening with my faith, I came up with this hymn sheet!

Neighbour�s Leylandii=Above all others
Taking plant cuttings=A Living Sacrifice
Drought=Ready For The Rain
Tree roots=At Your Feet We Fall
Garden string=Bind Us Together
Water feature=Down The Mountain The River Flows
Garden designer=Give Me, Lord, A Dream Of Heaven
An enthusiastic composter=He Made The Earth
Owner of a neglected plot=He Who Would Valiant Be
Novice planting a shrub=How High And How Wide
Having planted seeds=I Wait Patiently
Gardeners Corner=One Shall Tell Another
At the sign of seedlings=Victory Song
On lifting potatoes=Wash Me Clean
New owner of a garden=Whatever Have I Gained
Mysteries of Clematis=Who Can Ever Say They Understand
After over-pruning shrubs=You�re Alive!
Optimistic gardener=ââ?¬Ë?Tis Finished!
Owner of a small garden=Behold Us A Little Space
Owner of an overgrown garden=By Weary Stages
On viewing next door�s garden=I Can See Another�s Woe
Garden makeover=Deck Thyself, My Soul, With Gladness
Horticulturalist=From Thee All Skill and Science Flow
Celery grower=Hearts At Christmastime
About slugs, snails and aphids=I Love God�s Tiny Creatures

 

Love the red cross replacement michaelmas daisy - all is now clear :D .

 

Two Aerials met on a roof, fell in love, & got married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." :D

 

ROTFLMBO