Gardening Humour

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps
improving by the regular killing of the weakest members."

"In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

 

:D :D :D Hope other varieties of alcohol have the same effect!

 

I like the way your brain works dalbuie! :D

 

Don't know if this one has been posted before but worth another smile perhaps
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An old man who lived alone wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.

His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.

Shortly, he received this reply,
"For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the Money!"

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any money.

Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."

 

The Objection to Being Stepped on.
by Robert Frost

At the end of the row
I stepped on the toe
Of an unemployed hoe.
It rose in offense
And struck me a blow
In the seat of my sense.
It wasn't to blame
But I called it a name.
And I must say it dealt
Me a blow that I felt
Like a malice prepense.
You may call me a fool,
But was there a rule
The weapon should be
Turned into a tool?
And what do we see?
The first tool I step on
Turned into a weapon.

 

Nice one jjordie

 

A man walks into his bedroom to find his wife packing her suitcase. He said "What are you doing?". She said, "I'm going to London, I've heard that prostitutes get paid �£400 for what you've been getting free".

He reached up and grabbed a suitcase, then proceded to start packing too.

"What are you doing?", she said.

He said, "I'm coming too, I want to see how you live on �£800 a year".

 

First Class Rich :D

 

Loving it Rich :D

 

A little three year old girl very proud that she had learnt the Lord's Prayer recited it to her
mother saying " Lead us not into temptation and deliver us some e-mail...."

 

dont they say the cutiest things,pity they have to grow up,in the mail they have what children say,and in some ways its very logical

 

Anybody wanting a smile or two? then click on to this site.
Some of the links have music so mind you don't
wake the baby :D


http://www.frontiernet.net/~jimdandy/specials/

 

The bloke next door has been burning his waste paper this morning, stuff like letters and bank statements. I noticed he had shredded it first

 

Just to be sure then Nick :rolleyes:

Found this on my internet travels...

 

:D :D :D :D :eek: