How much will you miss outdoor gardening in the next few months?

Can I plead lingering anaesthetic brain-fog? If not, I'm off to drown myself in the lac in the next field out of sheer embarrassment

 

Actually, the embarrassment is all mine! I hadn’t even noticed it. But I should have and then pretended not to have noticed it! You know the old French definition: Quelle est la difference entre la politesse et le tact? Le tact, c’est quand un homme entre dans une salle de bains lorsqu’une dame est en train de prendre une douche, referme vite la porte en disant : « Oh, pardon monsieur ! » …

 

I'd have thought that it was either a deadly insult or a severe case of bad eyesight

 

Talking of breech, we recently discovered a fabulous little museum in Bologna called Museo di Palazzo Poggi which, among many treasures, displays an extraordinarily comprehensive collection of models of foetuses in all imaginable positions, including 'breech'; Mrs Lao took an excellent photos of it for an ex-fiancée of mine (‘ex’ because, as an obstetrician, she was sent by the NHS on behalf of UCH to run a hospital in Vanuatu – I like to travel, but that really was an ocean too far!); Mrs Lao and I would both feel shy of putting the picture on the forum, in case there were readers of a nervous disposition, so, instead, here is a link (you can navigate via the ‘collezioni’ button) where you can see the breadth of their eclectic assortment, from 19th century astronomical instruments, fossils, ancient world maps, stunning model of sailing boats (think Le Secret de la Licorne, but six metres long), a gorgeous 16th century oak and marble operating theatre, etc., etc. Also, Trip Adviser is eloquent on the subject. Should you go to Bologna, check it out!

Gallery Museo di Palazzo Poggi — Sistema Museale di Ateneo - SMA

 

Actually, rather than drowning yourself, perhaps you could hold on for a bit and help us here. Following your advice about Iris ensata, Mrs Lao has got quite excited (yes, it’s still possible) and said We could have three or four, each one flowering at different times of the summer and autumn. Is this feasible? Could you recommend three or four aquatic plants that might fulfil that ambition?

 

I don't do much in the winter months, but will do the winter pruning of a crab apple which was butchered by a supposedly 'expert' tree surgeon. I'm battling the water shoots and working with the advice from the RHS website to fix it.

 

My wife told me I had 'butchered' our beautiful magnolia which had got nearly as tall as the house. True, I cut it down quite hard. But it's now full of buds. I pretend not to see them and await the reaction in spring.

 

I wish it was that easy with the crab apple. All it has now is half a dozen really thick branches and dozens of water shoots. Crab apples, and presumably other trees, aren't like woody shrubs which cope well in many cases with being cut hard back.

 

Well, then you can be 'clapped out' together, like a real couple.