Plant deterrent for nuisance children?

Berberis will grow to at least 5 feet - we've two but I keep them compact and trimmed to about 4 feet.
You could try inter-planting with holly which would improve the look in winter and also attract more wild, though not feral, life.
A bramble hedge grows pretty quickly and could be trained to grow where most effective and has the advantage that you can eat the fruit! You can easily grow a bramble so it scrambles through berberis and holly!

Nails and barbed wire are tempting but given today's litigious society you risk being sued if one of the little whatsits scratches itself.
Having said that, years ago I cemented broken glass on top of a wall that some of our locals used to use as a short cut through our garden.

 

I would go for Mahonia, Berberis and Holly; some of the roses too, Rosa Rugosa I think it's called, suckers too. I also had something once, a variety of ornamental bramble, had glaucus stems and yellow leaves but wicked thorns; fast growing too.....just can't remember its name?

 

Right guys, I've been doing my research and i think ive narrowed it down to either a berberis or pyracantha mini-hedge. Is there a certain knack to pruning that will ensure it ends up quite dense?

Also im guessing ill only need one plant as its such a small space, hopefully the lack of direct sunlight wont be a problem, they sound like tough plants Ohh its exciting, i hope the garden centres will be open tomorrow hehe, thank you so much everyone for all the suggestions.

Marley - im still thinking about the hawthorn :D i might have to go out and test how prickly they are! Would it still flower if it was pruned into a formal style hedge?

 

you can also legally use a product Fence Guard Security Spikes - not nice to climb on but very very legal - a good deterrant for the little darlings

Loopy

 

I think there is a problem here that is at risk of being overlooked.

Many shrubs will only gain about 1ft of height per year if they're kept pruned to keep them dense. That means the kids will easily be able to climb over for a few years, and by the time the hedge becomes effective, the kids will have grown up and probably won't want to spend time in their own garden anymore.

To that end, maybe brambles or wild roses might be an option. Both will happily climb through the conifers, and both have razor sharp hooked thorns that not only stick in with ease, but they also don't let go. When one bites you, if you give in to the natural reaction to pull away suddenly, you come away minus some skin and with a broken off thorn still embedded in your flesh. On the thorn front, the roses win hands down over brambles.

Depending on the age and gullibility of the kids in question, there is another strategy you could adopt. Be seen spraying your garden from time to time with water or some other inert substance, and spread a rumour that it is a legal but controversial fertiliser that can slowly turn boys into girls if they come into contact with it too many times. Just make up a word of about 10 random syllables for the name of the ficticious chemical, and most young lads would be horrified and terrified all at once.

 

Pyracantha did it for me. I lived in a ground floor flat with nice big French windows looking out onto a communal area of grass. There was a big brick planter at one end that made an ideal 'goal' and the big oblong area, an ideal football pitch. Next door's kids would get their mates round and play footie there almost all day long, within a couple of feet of my living room! And often it wasn't "Can we get our ball out of your garden?" but "Can we have our ball out of your living room"! I lacked the courage to confiscate it as their mother's live in BF was a member of the local 'Mafia' family and not to be messed with. Type who would leave his car unlocked at the end of the driveway because everyone knew it was his was and wouldn't dare tamper with it!

Anyway, after several unsuccessful complaints to the council, we finally came up with the idea of planting a nice triangular bed of Pyracantha that filled in the area between my window and the brick planter. Worked a treat and my sanity and privacy was soon restored!

 

Hi everyone, thanks for the continued suggestions and stories - Daisees, omg what a lovely family they sounded like, i hope the kids got a few thorns stuck in their ball before they gave up! :D

I'm not really into roses but they seem to be the quickest solution, maybe i could plant one in and use the fence spikes in the meantime until they have grown a bit? I went to the GC yesterday to have a look at the berberis and the pyracantha, both were really small and wouldn't deter the little beggars for a good few months yet, although i did "test" the thorns and the pyracantha was indeed very spiky even though it was only a baby

Ooh its so hard to choose :S

 

For instant results and to give the chosen shrubs time to grow, may I suggest painting the fence with "anti climb paint" You have to put a notice on the fence to say its there, so the little darlings can't present you with a laundry bill. I'd add Clueless's sugestion to the notice, caution, contains Estrocyanagenetic Hormone solution, skin contact with this compound will cause male genetalia to shrivel, brests to grow & voice raising.

 

Especially around Bridport:OUCH::runhills:

 

Smoo, the council put in semi-mature plants that were already about three feet tall.By the end of the second year they were about twice that height.