The Spud In A Bucket Growing Competition 2017

Oh good thank you @misterQ . The maths is not too big a problem but I have led a sheltered life.....(no smart remarks coming forth from @Zigs or @ARMANDII I hope) but what in the name of the wee man is Den City? I am ing everything that I don't regret asking this question. I'm always rather wary of asking the meaning of something after I asked a boyfriend while in a busy pub in a rather loud voice so he could hear me what a necrophiliac was after reading some comment about 1 and a dead donkey scrawled on the ladies loo walls. Why is it that when you shout something out it often coincides with a deathly hush? EVERYBODY in the pub heard me and boyfriend went the shade of a rotten Tomato swiftly followed by me when he whispered the meaning to me.

 

Gammazon, that behemoth intergalactic merchant trading company, faced a major problem when it came to housing their five billion-strong cloned insectazoid delivery workforce.

A Class EM planet was set aside for construction of the residential premises but despite the best efforts of the in-house design team, their plans could only accommodate a little over three billion at most.

So, Gammazon put the project out to tender with a promise that the architect of the winning design would be rewarded with whatever their heart desired, within reason.

Coming from Gammazon, which held great influence stretching across to all parts of the known universe, and with immeasurable wealth and massive resources, this was no idle boast.

This sent the vicinity around Gammazon HQ into a frenzy of activity as numerous envoys, emissaries, delegations, regular planetary citizens, rogues, bandits and even galactic royalty of all kinds scrambled over each other to submit their ideas.

But, none could solve the housing crisis.

A team from planet Deftstar came close but fell short at the evaluation stage.

Based on the hive structure of Deftstar's native razor bees, their design could accommodate all five billion, however, simulation testing revealed a fatal flaw: sick structure syndrome with a projected mortality rate of 40% for its inhabitants, the insectazoids.

To Gammazon, this was deemed unacceptable.

Unknown to outsiders prior to the Deftstar evaluation, if housed in any structure other than an ovaloid den, insectazoids would suffer chronic depression and death would follow shortly thereafter. This was the main impediment to Gammazon's in-house design team and sole reason why their own plans had failed.

And so the vicinity around Gammazon HQ fell silent as all of the potential candidates retreated in order to rethink their plans.

Three Siphon years passed by and there seemed to be no solution to this inpenetrable problem.

Meanwhile, in a backwater solar system there orbited a blue planet called Earth. On the surface of Earth stood a school. Inside the school sat a young girl eating her school dinner.

Today's "meal of the day" was roast beef consisting of a thin slice of said meat, roast potatoes and boiled carrots all swimming in a sea of gravy. This represented the unpopular option but she seemed to like it and always chose it over the burger, chips and beans option favoured by her friends.

Desert was a small bowl of strawberry flavoured jelly inset with a golden slice of canned peach. This looked so enticing that it made her attack the remainder of her meat and two veg with even more fervour.

It was at this point that the friend sitting directly opposite signalled her to focus her gaze on the two adults sitting in the far end at the head of the tables. And so began a round of hushed speculation muffled further by half-chewed food.

He was her maths teacher. She was the French teacher.

He was eating merrily, not too fast, not too slow. She was preening and twirling her elegant long auburn hair with one hand while holding cutlery with the other to cheekily steal food from his plate - an action to which he did not seem to mind. Interspersed with the meal was conversation, smiles and the occasional laughter.

Anyone with eyes could see that the space in-between them was intimate. That they were both in love and besotted with each other.

Then a thought appeared in the young girl's mind.

Contentment from the meal coupled with the romantic scene nurtured the thought into an impulse which formed words that escaped her lips right before they could be appraised.

"Go on, Sir, give her one!"


...




Are you sure that you have not heard this tale before?

 

...

"A kiss!

Go on, Sir, give her a kiss!"

That was what the girl meant but by now a deathly hush had descended followed by numerous inquisitive pairs of eyes in search of the serpent who dared to spoil the scenic beauty of Eden.

Cheeks flushed, head down and shoulders hunched, the audacity that the girl had a moment ago evaporated, no longer able to sustain a second volley in which to make corrections.

...

 

Sneakyness could be the difference between being crowned Spud King 2017 and not.

So, being sneaky and casting my beady eye on the competition:









Yellowing: over watering and nutrient deficiencies.

Brown, dead or dying leaves: neglect.

Muhaha, foolish humans.


I'm well on my way...

 

Incidentally, we're also doing the Tri-carrot Challenge which tests the grower's ability to produce quality instead of quantity, where crop uniformity ranks above all else.

Everyone is welcome to join that competition as well.

 

Thanks for the progress report @misterQ , it would be useful to link those images to results at the end of the competition, also thanks for changing image host and continual experimentation.

I'm getting worried about my bucket spuds as I used a 'Picasso' seed spud that's normally heavy cropping, but checking on some other 'Picasso' seed spud grown plants, they were obviously another variety, so I'm not very happy about that.

 

@misterQ it seems your secret of spud bucket success is feeding, watering in modertion and talking in riddles to the tayterrrs.

My bucket is coming along nicely but not as big as some on a foliage level. A sheltered sunny spot, thrice daily massages ala Wagyu style and a constant loop of Des O'Conner's greatest hits are playing dividends. Not to mention a course of anabolic steroids.
May the best man/woman win

 

@Mowerman

I can neither confirm nor deny that the secret to spud bucket success is indeed feeding, watering in moderation and talking in riddles to the tayterrrs.

Neither can I confirm nor deny that rotating the plant a quarter turn every day and that playing old skool DnB music featuring piano breaks of "Air on the G String" to it also works. Because, doing anything different would be nurturing my own demise.

 

Will do come Judgement Day in September.

I was unwilling to pay Photobucket $400 a year just to be able to ref link images into forum posts so I switched to imgur instead.

imgur is not perfect and it does not have the complexity in layout that I prefer for media creation on a PC or laptop (it's more geared towards smartphone use) but at least the forum linking feature is free.

Sorry to hear that but it might just turn out to be a silver lining.

Only time (and diligence) will tell.

 

My plant is well into its second flush of growth.




The main stems have grown so long that they've flopped over and new shoots have appeared at the leaf nodes - this is what I call the second flush of growth.

 

My bucket with a Picasso in it has all but died down, whilst my open ground Picassos are still growing strong, might tip it out and weigh tomorrow, will make a diary note, I'm looking for some nice and easy jobs that can be done under cover out of the rain.

 

No idea how mine is doing, got "green bits" still growing but generally been totally neglected, I planted a Cara tuber and filled bucket with compost and basically left it to it!

 

Well, there is nothing more you can do about it now, Vince, because...

Judgement Day cometh.


Everyone, we're planning to hold the Great British Weigh-off on

Saturday 16th September 2017​

So, dust off your trusty weighing scales and get them ready.

 

Since last time, the two entries which proved to be elusive to the camera's viewfinder are now back in the fray. I have labelled them R and S respectively.

My own entry is labelled T.

Arranged as much as possible in the same order as pictured above.





After much tipping out, rummaging and hosing down, here are the official results of The Stamford Hill Estate Community Garden's Spud In A Bucket Competition 2017:

A) PPE
B) 0.750kg
C) 0.320kg
D) 1.195kg
E) 1.215kg
F) 0.665kg
G) 0.750kg
H) 1.215kg
I) 1.150kg
J) 1.035kg
K) 1.425kg
L) 0.320kg
M) 0.180kg
N) 0.295kg
O) 0.580kg
P) 1.225kg
Q) 0.460kg
R) 0.150kg
S) 0.450kg
T) 3.355kg


So, bronze goes to entry P.



Silver goes to entry K.



And, last but not least, gold goes to entry T (ie me!).




Muhaha, thank you, thank you, ...

Now, bow your heads and acknowledge the new Spud King.