Todays Joke Thread....

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.
This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."
"And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.":D:D

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEW56_QRjN8&NR=1

 

Sorry for delay in replying everyone, yes the answer was 6. most people miss the 'f' in the words 'of'.

cheers

 

Roger marries at 85
> >
> >
> > At 85 years of age, Roger married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.
> >
> > Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding
> > she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that
> > her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire
> > night together.
> >
> > After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the
> > expected knock' on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens
> > and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as
> > one.
> >
> > All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to
> > sleep. After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door,
> > and it's Roger, Again he is ready for more 'action'.
> >
> > Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds
> > are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
> >
> > She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha you guessed it - Roger Is back
> > again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for
> > more 'action'.
> >
> > And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Roger gets set to leave
> > again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at
> > your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less
> > than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great
> > lover, Roger.'
> >
> > Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I 've been
> > here already ?'

 

ignorance is such bliss...

 

:D:D:D Smiffy..

 

Very good smiffy.

midnightrose, if only!

cheers

 

A plane was about to crash and there were only three parachutes between the four passengers.
The first man said "I'm [COLOR=#666666! important][COLOR=#666666! important]Kobe [color=#666666! important]Bryant[/color][/COLOR][/COLOR], Americas most important basketballer, I MUST survive" he then grabbed a parachute and jumped from the plane.
The second man said "I'm gordon brown, Britains most intelligent ever Prime Minister, I too MUST survive" he grabbed the next parachute & jumped from the plane also.
[COLOR=#666666! important][COLOR=#666666! important]The [color=#666666! important]third [/color][color=#666666! important]man[/color][/COLOR][/COLOR] was the Pope and he turned to the fourth passenger, a ten year old boy, and said "I am old son, my time is nearly up and I believe you have more to offer the world than I do so I shall give you the the third parachute, save yourself."
The ten year old boy replied "Thank you for your offer old man but there's still two left - Britains most intelligent Prime Minister just took my [COLOR=#666666! important][COLOR=#666666! important]school [color=#666666! important]backpack[/color][/COLOR][/COLOR]:thumb:

 

Just have to butt in - why does it keep coming up with the .....whatever ....instead of the graemlin/smiley? Spoiling things. Had a moan 2 minutes ago on 'computer questions'.

 

The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room.
The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, â??Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasnâ??t seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!â? â??Darling,â? the wife said, spitting out her gag,"I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasnâ??t kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks youâ??re really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom.â?

 

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
B/S might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

 

two peanuts walk into a bar, one was a salted

 

:D:D Love those one liners.

cheers

 

A WOMAN'S POEM

He didn't like the casserole

And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...

Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right

He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks

The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and smacked the crap out of him...

....Like his mother used to do

 

oohhh errr Gogs, are you having a bad time