Todays Joke Thread....

I used to be undecided, ................. now I'm not so sure!

 

The price of Petrol versus Printer InkAll these examples do NOT imply that petrol is cheap; it just illustrates how outrageous some prices are....

You will be really shocked by the last one!(At least, I was...)Compared with Petrol......


Think a gallon of petrol is expensive?


This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.Diet Snapple 16 oz £1.29 .. £10.32 per gallon


Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz £1.19 .£9.52 per gallon



Ocean Spray 16 oz £1.25 ...... £10.00 per gallon



Brake Fluid 12 oz £3.15 ...... £33.60 per gallon



Vick's Nyquil 6 oz E8.35 ... £178.13 per gallon



Pepto Bismol 4 oz £3.85 . £123.20 per gallon



Tippex 7 oz £1.39 ....... . £5.42 per gallonAnd this is the REAL KICKER...Evian water 9 oz £1.49..£21.19 per gallon! £21.19 for WATER and the buyers don't even know the source(Evian spelled backwards is Naive.) - I REALLYlike that one!




You don't even want to compare it with perfume or after shave.



Ever wonder why printers are so cheap?So they have you hooked for the ink.
Someone calculated the cost of the ink at................
(you won't believe it....but it is true........)
£5,200 a gal.. (five thousand two hundred pounds)So, the next time you're at the pump,be glad your car doesn't run on water, or Tippex, Pepto Bismol, Nyquil or God forbid, Printer Ink!Just a little humour to help ease the pain of your next trip to the petrol pump...

And - If you don't pass this along to at least one person, your exhaust will fall off!!Okay, your exhaust won't really fall off... but you might run out of toilet paper



ALL OF THAT SAID... Fuel of any kind, well... honestly!

 

:DDon't know which one I feel more, Gogs.

Unbelievable isn't it? Thanks for that.

cheers

 

A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, 'May I have 50 Christmas stamps?'
The clerk says, 'What denomination?'
The blonde says, 'God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.'

 

On the theme of Gogs' post - did you know that the price per kg of toothbrushes is more than the price per kg of feraris?
(that's about the only thing I can remember from the materials course on my engineering degree!)

 

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey .

He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was
very difficult work, as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in
prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his
predicament:

Dear Vincent,


I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be
able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too
old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my
troubles would be over.
I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in
the old days.

Love, Papa


A few days later he received a letter from his son.


Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden.
That's where the bodies are buried.

Love , Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police
arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left.
Later, That same day the old man received a telegram from
his son.


Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you, Vinnie

 

:D:thumb:

cheers

 

Haha, the Vinnie and Pop one was great, more more!

 

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.

In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump.

''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.

As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handling him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.''

''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my parakeet.''

:thumb:

 

I used to be conceited ............ now I'm perfect

 

Wow, I would have never have thought of that. What about the price per kg of Saffron?!

 

Sure printer ink can beat them £ per ml. It's diabolical!

 

Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot.
There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me,

For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.

We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Pr ince,
And Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since.

We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee'
And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me, Me.

Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many,
And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney.

And only in our wildest dreams did we exp ect to see
A boy named George with Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice,
And when they made a movie, they never made it twice.

Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp,
And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp.

We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T,
And Oprah couldn't talk, yet, in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go,
At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe.

For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be,
And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead,
And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson, and Zeppelins were not Led.

And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees,
Madonna was a virgin in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars,
And babies might be bottle-fed, but they weren't grown in jars.

And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and 'gay' meant fancy-free,
And dorms were never coed in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag,
And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag.

And Hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea,
And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me, Me.

Buicks came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks,
And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks.

And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee,
And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me, Me.

We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues,
We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea
Or prime-time ads for condoms in the Land That Made Me, Me.

There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill,
And fish were not called Wanda, and cats were not called Bill.

And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three,
And ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me, Me.


So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans,
And wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines.

And we tell our children's children of the way it used to be,
Long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me, Me.