Todays Joke Thread....

Lovely girl. Would do (nearly) anything for anybody would Anna Gramme. But she was a bit of a light weight. :rolleyes:

 

Being a slender lass, not unlike my friend Faye Derway, I think I done Amy Stake when I introduced her to my new friend Hugh Jundys.

 

Huge Undies BM just got it........... .......

 

Loving the Squee love :D

 

Still Handsome

 

Santa is Quitting

T'was the night before Christmas,
Old Santa was pissed
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks,
I have good mind to s**** the whole works
I've busted my ass for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" what do I hear?

The old lady bitches cause I work late at night
The elves want more money - the reindeer all fight
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS

And just when I thought that things
would get better
Those assholes from IRS sent me a letter
They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money?

And the kids these days - they all are the pits
They want the impossible ...Those mean little ****s
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's - No request for them
They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment
There's no Christmas this year...now you know the reason
I found me a blonde.. I'm going SOUTH for the season!!

Author Unknown

Hoping i'm not pinching your thread BM lol .

 

:D :D :D :D

 

:D :D

 

Post away :D

BMW dealership

A lady walks into a BMW dealership. She browses around, spots
the top-of-the-line Beemer and walks over to inspect it. As she bends
over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she inadvertently breaks wind.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone
has noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't
pop up right now.
As she turns around, her worst nightmare materialises in the
form of a salesman standing right behind her.

Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the
salesman greets the lady with, "Good day, Madame. How may we help you
today?"

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may just not
have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir,
what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just touching it, you're going
to **** yourself when I tell you the price."

 

:D :D :D Lentil power :D

 

lmao

 

GO BM GO................ hee hee.
how u doin man?, been a long time. Been very busy dodging rain, gales and more rain. :D

 

:D

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico . While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah, senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A real delicacy!"

The cowboy said, "What the heck, bring me an order."

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry, Senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy."

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday."

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, senor. Sometimes the bull wins."

 

BM,

Hubby saw this one before going off to the Rugby and did a little jig saying 'who's the daddy, who's the daddy' - I think you have a fan. He is passing this one on to all the lads :D

 

Best one this week. (Unless you are the matador).