Todays Joke Thread....

:D :eek: :D :D

 

this one is better

 

Baby bear goes downstairs,sits in his small chair, looks into his empty bowl and says, "who's been eating my porridge?"
Daddy bear goes downstairs, sits in his big chair, looks into his empty bowl and says, "who's been eating my porridge?"
Mummy bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells.
"for god's sake, how many times do I have to go through this you idiots.
It was Mummy bear who got up first.
It was Mummy bear who woke everyone in the house.
It was Mummy bear who made the coffee.
It was Mummy bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.
It was Mummy bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
It was Mummy bear who went out in the cold, early morning, to fetch the newspaper and milk.
It was Mummy bear who set the Damn table.
It was mummy bear who walked the blXXdy dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food and re-filled their water.
Now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, 'cause I'm only going to say this once....


I HAVEN'T MADE THE FXXXXXG PORRIDGE YET!!!!

 

Bit late for this one but here goes...

 

Love it. :D :D

 

Caj, obviously a bad case of PMT. Gogs, is there such a thing as three wise women? :D :D

 

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.

2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetable while you chop.

3. Avoid arguments with the Missus about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take e a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

DAILY THOUGHT

Some People Are Like Slinkies: Not Really Good For Anything, But They Bring A Smile To Your Face When Pushed Down The Stairs.

 

:D
Well done everyone.

 

Brilliant, jjordie. :D

 

Love the last 2. Just 2 comments.

Jjordie. No.4. I thought of it. That was why I got struck off.

Marley. What is wrong with English cooks? Mrs Sarra's spinach and chocolate caramel quiche is famous all over the Balkan states. :D :D :D

 

Sarraceniac

"Jjordie. No.4. I thought of it. That was why I got struck off."

Struck off where? Here?

 

John, it`s a good job you`ve got the greenhouse to sleep in. :D

 

Oh Man. :eek: