Todays Joke Thread....

Discussion in 'The Muppet Show' started by Banana Man, Dec 4, 2007.

Page 7 of 32
  1. youngdaisydee

    youngdaisydee Gardener

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    Hahahahaha Marley... :D :D [​IMG]
     
    youngdaisydee, Jan 24, 2008
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  2. Gogs

    Gogs Gardener

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    [​IMG] Marley !

    This 1 sent by text to me....
    Husband & Wife shopping in Tescos,Husband puts 10 cans of Stella in the trolley,the wife takes them out saying "They cost �£10 they're too expensive".
    Further down the aisle she puts a �£20 jar of face cream in the trolley.
    He says "Hold on a minute thats expensive",she says "But it makes me look so beautiful".

    He says "So does 10 cans of Stella,but at half the ******g price"!
     
    Gogs, Jan 25, 2008
    #92 Quote in Conversation
  3. terrier

    terrier Gardener

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    Sorry if this has been posted before but I've just seen it on A.N.Other forum.


    A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks THE question.

    WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again"?

    HUSBAND: "Definitely not"!

    WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married"?

    HUSBAND: "Of course I do".

    WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry"?

    HUSBAND: "Okay, okay. I'd get married again".

    WIFE: "You would"? (with a hurt look)

    HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)

    WIFE: "Would you live in our house"?

    HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house".

    WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed"?

    HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep"?

    WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car"?

    HUSBAND: "Probably, it's almost new".

    WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers"?

    HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do".

    WIFE: "Would you give her my jewellery"?

    HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own".

    WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you"?

    HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times".

    WIFE: "Would she use my clubs"?

    HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed".

    WIFE: --------Silence---------------

    HUSBAND: "Sh * t".
     
    terrier, Jan 25, 2008
    #93 Quote in Conversation
  4. youngdaisydee

    youngdaisydee Gardener

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    Gogs..Terrier.. [​IMG]
     
    youngdaisydee, Jan 25, 2008
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  5. daitheplant

    daitheplant Total Gardener

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    Is that all you ladies do with your time, writing extremely funny jokes? [​IMG] [​IMG] :D
     
    daitheplant, Jan 25, 2008
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  6. youngdaisydee

    youngdaisydee Gardener

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    I can't find the road sign thread (bet one of you clever bug**s do) so im posting here :D bcos i think its funny..... [​IMG]
     
    youngdaisydee, Jan 25, 2008
    #96 Quote in Conversation
  7. dancing queen

    dancing queen Gardener

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    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
    dancing queen, Jan 25, 2008
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  8. borrowers

    borrowers Gardener

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    Can't say anymore than DQ, great laugh. Keep it going all.

    cheers
     
    borrowers, Jan 26, 2008
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  9. Kedi-Gato

    Kedi-Gato Gardener

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    Kedi-Gato, Jan 26, 2008
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  10. youngdaisydee

    youngdaisydee Gardener

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    Cheers Kedi-Gato....
     
    youngdaisydee, Jan 26, 2008
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  11. Marley Farley

    Marley Farley Affable Admin! Staff Member

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    [​IMG] Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.

    Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'

    Poof....!!
    God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

    After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river.'

    Poof...!!
    God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

    Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:
    'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river.'
    Poof....!!
    He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge..... :D :D :D

    Soooooo.... If at first you don't succeed, do it the way your wife told you!' ;) :D
     
    Marley Farley, Jan 26, 2008
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  12. youngdaisydee

    youngdaisydee Gardener

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    Hahahaha, Fab marley.. See what the men think :D
     
    youngdaisydee, Jan 26, 2008
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  13. Marley Farley

    Marley Farley Affable Admin! Staff Member

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    ;) :D :D
     
    Marley Farley, Jan 26, 2008
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  14. daitheplant

    daitheplant Total Gardener

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    I`m saying nothing. I know my place. [​IMG]
     
    daitheplant, Jan 26, 2008
    #104 Quote in Conversation
  15. Gogs

    Gogs Gardener

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    You sure David ? looking for more jokes at the mo!
     
    Gogs, Jan 26, 2008
    #105 Quote in Conversation
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