Yet Another Scam

Mrs Shiney just got a spam email. It says that she has received a Voice Message and to click on the link to "view it".

 

I'll send you an email - or two

 

Mrs Shiney gets quite a lot. Most of them don't get into her Inbox but are put into the spam box by her server. I check them every morning before she gets up. Most in the spam box are females advertising their services - I do look at the pictures . I also report them to the government site.

 

I have quite few of them transcribed on my computer because Mrs Shiney started listening in and taking them down in shorthand. Here is a shorter one:-

At 12.08 today I received another call from a gentleman with an Indian accent. He was trying to tell me I had a virus on my computer.

My usual way of dealing with these calls is to mess them about and see how long I can keep them on the phone. Today was different. I think that what sparked my responses this time was the fact that I had just been deciding whether to have a sandwich or some left over curry for lunch.

This was a reasonably brief conversation for me as I kept interrupting what he was saying instead of waiting for him to finish.

“Hello, Is that Mr…?”

Rather abrupt, “Of course it is, you know that. You called me.” (All my further interruptions are very abrupt.)

“It’s been reported to us …”

“Yes, Yes, I’m not interested in excuses. You’re late!”

A pause then “I think you ….”

“You promised to deliver by 12 o’clock and it’s ten past. What’s wrong?”

“No, no, I think you’re mistaken …”

“I’m never mistaken! I know what I ordered and have it written down in front of me.”

“I’m sorry, Mr … but what do you think you ordered?”

“My usual curry, of course! Four poppadoms, lamb Vindaloo, Bombay aloo and plain rice.”

“But we’re not…”

“Look, if you don’t want my business I can always order from the Raj.”

“No, you have a virus …”

“What!!!! Your handling food when you have a virus!! I’ve a good mind to report you to Environmental Health.”

“It’s your computer…”

“Don’t try and blame your mistakes on a computer. I ordered by phone. So either get your finger out and get here within five minutes or I’ll never order from you again!”

And I slammed the phone down.

 

Just one of my other scam calls (I won't bother you with any of the others ):-

For reasons I won't go into we have three landlines at home so we tend to get the unsolicited calls in groups.

Today's calls:-

Another Indian sounding voice (to be fair - there are other ethnic groups you can choose from, that have a similar generic sound) comes on the phone.

"Is that Mr....."

"Who's calling?"

"I'm Mike from Windows technical services and we have a report that you have a virus on your computer"

I then go through all the usual messing around questions asking him how he knows about my computer and how he has got the information. Then I say:-

"Do you realise that you have been redirected to the Fraud Department of the British Overseas Police?"

Not having really listened to what I said he repeats what he said before,

and I reply:-

"You obviously didn't understand what I said to you. We are the Police Fraud Department and we're monitoring all your calls to this country."

Calmly, "I don't think so" and he hangs up.

About 30 seconds later one of the other lines rings and I pick it up.

"Is that Mr...?" – I recognise the voice.

"Is that Mike calling?"

Pause, "Yes, I'm from etc"

"Hello, Mike, I knew it was you. I told you we're monitoring your calls. You can't get away from us".

He hangs up.

30 seconds later the third line rings and I pick up.

"Hello, is that Mr...."

"Hello, Mike, I told you that you can't get away from us. We'll be monitoring you for the rest of the day."

Silence from the other end so I say quite loudly - but away from the phone

"Alright boys, maybe we should keep monitoring this one for the whole week."

A sort of gulp from the other end before it goes dead.